Temple of the Dark Moon

if i could paint the picture i see in my mind now, that would be the title of my painting. unfortunately, painting now at 1 am in the morning would be rather impossible i must say… and by the time i start the next morning, the feeling would have been all gone.

what little hope, what little distant wishing are all gone now. the goblet that falls endlessly through the void finally met earth and shatters into a thousand pieces; cascading down onto the broken mosaic. moonlight reflecting upon time like a sea of frozen tears shed from the goddess herself.

the weight of world bearing down on the pedestal, crushing it along with the City of stone and gold into dust. storm clouds rides over this oblivion, day turning a shade of grey and black. thunder roared and lightning flashed; the return of the Dark God. a waste, the ruin that is before the life of the world, now waste just like it had always been for so long. for a brief moment, we managed to see our world in so many colours… but now, even before the end of a decade, we see it all destroyed… we see it all go up and down… we see this wasteland what we have always seen and we do not know when will this darkness ever end.

Oh great Goddess of our Realm, barely has she managed to release herself from control and fear… she is now forced back into hiding by chains and force. blind folded, not knowing who has sent her back to the shadows, she screams and cursed of betrayal and lies. the broken trust that has mended little has now completely shattered. the weeping goddess vowed never again to believe. never again shall she tries to liberate. broken, torn, defeated. we can only sit and watch as the black iron chains coil around her hands, her torso and her legs…squeezing the her as they tightened. her pure white robes, now torn and grey, stained red with blood. Our pure and kind goddess… what has become of you?  will you be the same again if we manage to liberate you like we did before?

we dread… we fear… we cried… but there was nothing we could ever do to defeat a god. the gathering winds brings forth sands and dust and the forttress of stone and steel that we manages to bring down not so long ago is growing from the horizon. it has returned. the Dark God we all feared. the Dark God that we all lived with for so long… when we thought we our beloved Goddess has defeated him, He returns. Alas, his control is almost complete. there he sits in his high throne inside multitude of chambers and doors. sealed in a room within rooms; walls within walls. our time is limited. we too like our goddess are chained. these chains slowly dragging us back into abyss. we are blind as light fails… with a scene all too familiar… the giant black gates slowly closing… closing us all within… closing to shut the world away… to shut the world our goddess built… to hide… to forever remain untouched. alas, this time has returned.

we fear… we dread… but there is nothing we can do to defeat the Dark God….

The high glass crown worn,
Black silk robes adorned in gold,
Head held high,
Presiding over a sea of ghost.

Rules are made to be perfect,
The bounded are not,
A brush with the forbidden,
The glass crown shattered,

Embraced in the cold of touch,
The chained beast unleashed,
Logic and reason lost,
The divine broken.

in less than 2 days, most of us would be facing our final exam’s final papers. i’m sure everyone look forward to this occasion cause i think most of us are relatively tired of studying and this is like the last hurdle for us to be forever free from exams and text books~…hahaha.  For Douglas and Wan Nee… hang in there while everyone around you officially start their drama and packing spree. not to mention very ’sympathetic’ frens will drop by once in a while to console you on ur predicament. i know u guys can do it. mind over matter~  AHAHAHHAHAHA.

once our final presentation is over, we will one of the milions to drag ourselves up at 7, arrive to work at 8 (generally speaking… i’m sure we can never always arrive at and hopefully pack our bags and leave by 5 or 4.30 by gods willing..hehe. if u work in a certain company in Penang that i heard so often about; then i believe 5pm does not apply to you (don dare to name the company… mana tau can kene sue for defamation…ahaha). i’m not sure bout the rest but i don think i’m ready for the working world yet. the 8 hours of office, jams, pleasing superiors, possibly tons of office politics, always maintaining an arms length with your colleagues, have to mind your words and etc just sounds too much to handle~~

i guess the biggest challenge yet for me is to learn to mind my words and shut my mouth~~ hahaha.. talking too much can be one owns undoing (after years of feedback, i finally accepted that i babble too much… though reluctantly~). not that i have experienced it before of course, just constantly being reminded over and over again by ever realistic parents and House MD series. i wonder how much of it is true… how much of the truth was being exaggerated. Always better to expect the worst i suppose~

Final final exam means work and also means bye bye to ppl we see everyday here. how many will we see often, how many will we continue to keep as frens… feels kinda sad actually when u know u wont be able to keep them all. i guess that’s also part of life huh~

The end of any journey feels so distant,
Only to bemoan that it has ended,
The imagined takes forever to reach,
The path taken seemed only yesterday.

Tomorrow is secondary,
For today is the only certainty,
Take up what you will,
For that is what I was told.

~Enimsil Liwruoy~

its five in the morning… and i only have another one half day to complete my final year design project report. 4 more chapters to go and i’m dead tired.

the thing about typing reports is that you think its easy and its fast but it really never is. it took me 2 days to type 2 chapters. i was shocked at how slow my pace is. i tried to hasten my typing speed but to no avail. its really not about the typing speed but the state of mind. after typing 4 paragraphs, the brain basically turns to mesh.

taking a half hour break does not help. the brain is still soggy. which is the problem really. only a few paragraph of typing and the brain needs 2 hour break.

i have been typing with only half hour breaks and occasionally 2 hour breaks for 3 days now. i can feel frustration welling inside me. i’m getting irritable easier than normal. worse, is the feeling of absolute hopelessness and u just wanna sit back and not do a thing.

as much as i wish it, i know even if i do that… the only person that is going suffer is still me. i either pound my soggy brain to continue typing or stay here another semester or better yet, get crappy grades.

when u want things done right, you have to do it yourself. its either u are incapable of commanding others or they are unable to execute ur orders. either way, its your fault. what a pain in the ass. thats why i like to follow; at least i don have to have so much finger pointing conscience crisis to deal with. just do what you are told, if u screw up, u get screwed… sweet and simple.

everyone is looking for a leader but u need great followers to make great leaders~ i’m willing to be one of them~ =D. i think its time i get some shut eye… my finger nails are making a hell of a racket typing and my rummate is trying to sleep~

-Enimsil Liwruoy-

Candles burning in the dark hall,
Brightened path is not its purpose,
Each has a story of life,
Each burning lower every moment.

-Enimsil Liwruoy-

I can feel no pain, no sorrow,
What monster have I become?
Please forgive this empty soul of mine,
How much humanity is left in me,
I do not know.
I do not know what to say,
I do not know what to do,
Perhaps this is a punishment god has given me,
To forever suffer the emptiness that I am,
For the choices I have made.
I only have one favour,
Please spare them the sorrow that can kill,
Please spare them the pain that can destoy.

The Mortal God

-Enimsil Liwruoy-

Would u ever, ever purchase a platinum rubbish bin? would you? spend thousands just so that u can put rubbish in it. would you? i’m guessing not. even if u are filthy rich, u wouldn’t either.

guess what? u already did.

it’s about time we wake up and smell the coffee.

karappo… emptiness… answer… in front of… slips into the abyss…

~Enimsil Liwruoy

We live by the Instituition. We die by the Instituition. Most of us never give much thought about the Instituition. Well, you never need to give much thought the Instituition unless you happen to come across things as un-instituitional as you can get. And that is that un-instituitional thing happens to include you in the fold. if not, let it fly baby, let it fly.

Different part of the world have their own social instituition. Here in a little plot of land in south east asia is no different. over here, touch is a no-no. so generally we are low touch culture ppl. funny thing is, touching is scientifically proven to stimulate immune system which will obviously make u healthier and happier. so why, why are we determined not to touch? Me? guilty as charged. I hate to touch more so to be touched. as long as it is not skin to skin anyways. hands are fine. nothing more than that. Why then this social instituition of ours forbid it? why then do we adhere to it? We evidently think it would lead to unhealthy thoughts and that will promote moral decay. SEX. yes, in the process of stopping ppl to think about sex, the instituition did just the opposite. The more you forbid, the more curious ppl are and viola~! I give to you Malaysia today~!

MORAL DECAY AMONG YOUTHS~! WESTERN INFLUENCE SHOULD BE SHUT OUT~! BAN KISS SCENES~! and a host of other things which i happen to not be able to think of. I love this sentence the most ‘Moral Decay’. Its a little narrow minded if i must be polite. The instituition believes itself is absolute. heck, most people believed the instituition to be absolute. that is why they try so hard to cling on to it. to ‘preserve’ it. to enforce it. and lately, we see a desperation to do just that.

i wonder why we humans are so stupid some times. has it never cross your mind that how the instituition came to be? has it never cross your mind that the instuition was born from the ideas of collective human intelligence? has it never occured to you that the collective human intelligence is everything but perfect?! What made the instituition is humans. and as humans goes, they change. while they have change, the instituition does not. in the believe that the elders has the best of ideas, the instituitioin does not change. laughable. the ancients used to think that there are spirits governing every aspect of our lives. do we still like by that instituition? No. We think it’s absurb. so why should this be any different?

to all of you who believe the Instituition to be absolute. Let me tell you this. Social Instituition can be made, therefore it can be broken. and break it will. and be remade it definitely always will be. And let me get this straight once and for all, for moral decay to happen, that moral must first be adopted then broken. the Instituition believes it is universal when it never was and never will be. Moral by itself is thought up by humans, and therefore can be changed or discarded.

What you think is ethical, its just that. YOU THINK. Your ethics may not be mine and vice versa. Do not be so hasty to judge others that behave un-instituitionally. They may have a better reason to do so than you who follow it blindly.

~Enimsil Liwruoy~

In the Shadow of Darkness,
The silent footsteps of the hidden,
Unseen, unheard in the light of day,
A puppeteer of a thousand guises.

~Enimsil Liwruoy